Chapter 1

Marcus was holding the bar of soap he had stolen from the State Library NSW. He sniffed it. It still smelled like -rotten- peaches. It was a bit hard, yes, but it was good. He considered using it for his bath tonight. He knew that Skama would think he was a freak when she sniffed him, as Skama in his school liked the smell of appelles better than pitis. So would other people at his school.

Skama was the school sniffer.

Marcus used the soap anyway. He smelled horrible. The smell stayed on even the next day when he went to school. Skama sniffed him, and immediately used a slide rule to calculate logarithms, square roots, and arithmetic so that he would be embarrassed. He had arithmophobia and lachanophobia.

For a hundred days he used the soap, but it never disintegrated or got any smaller. Marcus was curious, so he put it inside his Atomathematically Accurate Substance Deducer and Graphitographer. His machine immediately exploded. He knew the soap was made of a magical substance. By the time he came back to the soap, the soap had grown 3x larger. He buried it.

He then lived a normal life and died at the ripe old age of 190.

His great-grand son, Maina Kumanika, saw a pink bar of soap poking out of the soil one day. He walked to it and pulled it out. It was about as large as his body. He put it inside water to wash. The soap absorbed all the water and grew 90x larger. It was now as large as his entire house. He knew he had to conceal it. So he threw it into the sea and died, at the ripe old age of 100.

His great-grand son, Dumina Kumanika-Laudas, smelled a rotten peachy smell one day. As he looked from outside his window, he saw that a massive amount of people had gathered near the ocean-more than 2 billion of them-and they were looking at the ocean. So, Dumina trudged to the ocean in his Pakman-Dulakman car and rode there. He saw, as he was squeezing through the crowd, a massive bar of soap that had swallowed the whole ocean. It had absorbed it. Dumina was shocked and fell down, at the unripe young age of 18.

His son, Kumina des Kumanika-Laudas, walked to the sea with him too, and saw the pink bar of soap sitting in the middle of a massive continent-wide valley. He was just 7. So he was curious and jumped in the valley. He then *manually* walked to the bar of soap and poked it. All of a sudden, water came out of the hole he made. The water continued coming out though it had already filled the entire valley, made an ocean, and sadly killed Kumina.
12 days later, the water had completely filled the planet.

337,684,335.85 kilometers away, in Mars, a few Martians heard a water sound. They looked to the sky, and saw water overflowing Earth. They were overjoyed, as they hadn’t had water for 4000 years. So, they went on their spacecraft, flew to Earth, and drunk the entire Earth dry. They saw 8 billion human corpses.

Chapter 2

When they went back to Earth, all the Martians had diarrhoea because they drank corpse water. This filled their planet with nutritious soil, which caused Human Plants to grow.

Back on Earth, there was no water, just dry corpses lying everywhere, and the sound of burning was heard everywhere. But in Mars, nutritious, water-filled soil was everywhere. The Martians then got dehydration and died of starvation. They were dead-sick. Thus, making Mars and Earth inhabitable planets.

Mars and Earth also collided at some point due to their increasing weight and created the great and scrumdiddlyumptious Diarrhoea Planet. In Diarrhoea Planet, the air is heavy with brown air and the atmosphere is blue, brown with dirty water.

Marcus, from heaven, looked at Diarrhoea Planet and fell back, splat. Then he decomposed while alive. He was still alive when he was already a skeleton. HIs skeleton was still alive, stood up, and swam in the diarrhoea before dying.